Because I'm Not Okay (Suicidal Fantasy)

I'm the trouble 

I'm the problem 

I'm the drama 

Everyone says I'm acting out

Attention seeking 

Disturbed and out of control 

I'm the rainbow sheep 

Chosen scapegoat 

I'm the disease 

I'm the one they call crazy 

They say life would be better without me 

This world is no place for anyone like me 

They say I'm just a waste of space 

Not worth the air I breathe 

I'm struggling to survive 

Why am I even still alive?

I've decided that now it's time to leave 

So I finish off all the pills, overdose 

Down the bottle, intoxicated 

Climb to the top rail on the pedestrian bridge 

knowing I can't swim

I jump and give in

Toe tag and a body bag 

I let the suicidal fantasy win 

Because I'm not okay ...

Now everyone's asking what happened 

They're saying they didn't expect this 

But when I called out for help 

Everyone looked the other way 

covered their ears 

put blinders on their eyes 

They even said it would be better if I died

My ghost watching and listening 

to someone say they were blindsided 

They can't hear me but

I tell them that there were signs 

There were always signs 

that would've been seen if only they 

paid attention 

instead of always dismissing me 

Time doesn't heal all wounds 

The weight of the world 

was just too much for me to carry on my own 

I shouldn't've had to bear it alone 

But now I'm okay as I leave the earth 

that I didn't belong to 

and find my place on the other side 

of the night sky 

"I Do" Becomes "I Don't"

Charley met Pat

They fell in love and said their I dos

It was supposed to last forever 

It was supposed to survive 

even the stormiest weather 

But sometimes "I do" turns into "I don't"

and there's nothing you can do to change it 

Their lives turned into a country song 

Pat suddenly had to "work late" all the time 

Charley didn't see it coming 

but Pat was cheating with the secretary 

Sometimes "I do" becomes I don't 

love you anymore 

Sometimes you can't work things out 

She keeps the house and the dogs 

He's packed up his stuff 

Now he's walking out the door 

for the final time 

But now she lives in her pajamas 

She can't sleep 

but her heart dreams 

of the life they built 

She reminisces

of what used to be 

She's lost so much weight 

because even though there's food 

it's just too hard to eat 

The pain is just too much 

She's alive but barely breathing 

She's always crying, eyes swollen 

Heartbroken and heaving 

She never imagined him leaving 

(at least not like this)

It's just too hard to believe 

Their I dos became his I don't 

There is no happily ever after 

Pizza Face

I'm just mindin' my own business 

Chillin' in the bed

of our little red pickup truck 

Parked in our front yard 

I'm in trouble again, so I can't go far 

Megan and Jamie come runnin' back 

from who knows where 

with some kid my age

His name is Chris 

but I call him "Pizza Face"

They told him that I have "big jugs"

That's all he sees me as–

Boobs, a piece of meat 

He tries to get me to go out with him 

But I turn him down 

Talk tough in my fake British accent 

I hurt his feelings 

But I don't care 

He walks away thinkin'

I'm going back to England 

But I know I'm stuck here in this hellhole...

Weeks go by 

There he is at my bus stop 

Unpleasant suprize 

He confronts me 

If this isn't awkward, I dunno what is

One day after school, I see him on his bike 

When I'm walkin' in the street 

He tries to run me over 

I jump out of the way, scream

and cuss him out 

He disappears down the road 

Thank my lucky stars 

I never see him again 

Not for Me

Everyone keeps asking when 

I'll get married 

Settle down, have kids 

But that's not for me 

I say I won't do that, ever

Then they say I'll regret it 

They say I'm selfish 

Immature 

But honestly, I know that life 

isn't for me 

Without a doubt, I know 

it's not for me 

That's not my dream 

It's not my goal 

I'm a non-conformist 

I run from commitment 

I don't wanna be tied down 

I'd much rather have my freedom 

Live life on my terms 

Because isn't it my life?

Yeah, it's my life 

and I need to do what's right 

for me 

Live how I like 

Because that just might 

Help me sleep better at night 

It just might 

Help me be happy 

Spare the drama 

Reduce my anxiety 

Even just a little 

Could you just accept that 

Just because everyone else is complying 

with societal expectations,

I don't have to?

I don't and I won't 

Because it's not for me 

Tea

They ask me if I want some tea

Of course I say, "Yes, please"

Maybe I'm a little naive 

I thought everyone made tea the same way 

Our tea, sunbrewed 

Our tea is sweet 

Our tea is good 

Our tea was all I ever knew 

Our tea makes me happy 

But these people aren't from here 

They bring me a cup filled with deception 

I take a sip

Immediately, I can't help but spit

This stuff is bitter 

It's dirty water 

It's the devil's brew

This cup is full of misery 

It can't possibly be tea

This cup is where I lose my manners 

This cup makes me gag

It makes me feel like a cat

hacking up a furball

This "tea" is an imposter 

This "tea" makes me feel sick 

It dries out my mouth 

It makes me cough 

No way was it made by someone from 

the south 

I must pour it out