Grinch

People say, "Don't be a Grinch!"

as if it's a bad thing 

They're Hooville's flying monkeys 

I don't like taking sides 

but for him, I will 

I will speak up 

I will defend the Grinch 

Hooville is the bully

Gaslighters

He, the victim 

Green, furry body 

Sorta smelly

But it's not his fault 

A little quirky 

A little different 

But Hooville loved to assault 

They loved to insult 

They loved to hurt my friend 

the Grinch 

Then they wondered why 

he was the way he was 

They blamed him 

They caused him so much pain 

They drove him to depression 

They caused him great anxiety 

Then they pushed him out of town 

Up the mountain, in the cave 

I understand his rage 

I understand his reasoning 

for stealing Christmas 

It wasn't because he's a bad guy 

The Grinch is not a bad guy 

He was hurt and wanted revenge 

I don't condone his thievery 

But I understand his master plan 

Everyday he lives with C-PTSD

He sufferers through the trauma 

but he can't even cry to his mama 

He's angry, mad 

Secretly he's sad

He just needed an outlet 

Remember how he righted his wrong?

He just needed someone to help his heart heal 

and somewhere to belong 

Rice & Beans

My wild little brother was in trouble yet again 

Sent to his room, as if it could contain him

He grabbed a crayon and jumped out the window 

Then his fun would begin 

He colored on the side of our ugly, old stationwagon

Our mother was rushing 

Out the back door, fixin to be late for work 

He heard her coming 

Trying not to get caught

He slid himself behind the back wheel 

Oblivious to his location 

She put the car in reverse, backing over him

Pulling back over 

Pulling and backing in confusion 

Because why was there such bump

in the sand? 

When she went to investigate,

to her shock and horror 

There lie her own 3 year old child 

Who jumped up, "Mommy! Mommy! I'm fine!"

She scooped him up to take him to the hospital 

That's when our sister and I 

got sent across the street 

to Gloria's house 

She took good care of us 

for God only knows how long 

and she fed us Cuban rice and beans 

and some things I can't remember 

Her house smelled like a heavenly feast 

and that's the day I fell in love

with rice and beans 

I Find My Hope and Peace

We're sitting there, mostly in silence 

but I knew the judgement would come 

eventually because it always does 

She thinks I know nothing of God and the Bible 

She thinks I'm not a Christian 

that I belong to another religion 

because I'm not a Baptist 

because I'm Methodist 

Our views might differ 

but I know that one is not better than the other,

Mother 

...

These strangers on the internet 

Dog pile, verbally attacking me

Trying to condemn and criticize 

While they hide behind their computer screens 

The stuff they say is wild 

I'm so over it 

...

I'll never live up to other people's expectations 

and I'm okay with that because I don't intend to 

I find my hope and peace in knowing 

That God loves me unconditionally 

Regardless of what other people say 

They can't separate me from God 

I remind myself of this truth 

Mentally placing myself in that back left pew:

"God loves you 

and there's nothing you can do about it 

There's nothing you can do 

to make God love you any more 

and there's nothing you can do 

to make God love you any less"

I find hope and peace in Amy Beth's words

and rest

Your Love Is a Lie

Your love is a lie

It's selfish and vile

You don't love me 

but the idea of me that you made up 

You won't accept me for who I truly am 

My identity to you is "nonsense"

It's make believe, over the top, just too much 

You won't respect my pronouns 

So you don't respect me 

If that's the way you want it 

Then this is where I must go now 

Because I'm not gonna keep you around 

I love and respect myself more than that 

I spoke my piece 

But you wouldn't listen 

You just tried to center yourself 

and silence me 

I let you go for my own sanity 

Then you called and texted 

but I won't respond 

I know where that would lead 

My identity and pronouns aren't something 

you get to "agree to disagree" on

So the sound of my silence is all you'll get back 

These Tattoos

These tattoos on my skin 

Remind of my origin 

Where the Europeans met the Indians 

These tattoos on my skin 

Remind me to breathe in 

To let love win

These tattoos on my skin 

Remind me where I've been 

And remember where I'm goin'

These tattoos on my skin 

Are part of my self expression 

Art that I live in 

Aliens

I was 7 years old 

When the Tampa night air grew cold 

I looked up to see the UFO with lights 

hovering in the sky 

Aliens have always been real to me 

I wanted them to like me so I waved 

Then just as quickly as they appeared 

They disappeared from that place 

Traveling through space 

5 years went by and they came back for me 

but only in my dreams 

They abducted me in my sleep 

The inside of this alien spaceship 

was sterile, bright white, quiet

They put me on their cold, silver slab

and gathered around 

Sliced me open, operated 

They took my kidney 

then sewed me back together 

and released me 

They disappeared again into the night 

I woke up confused, but alive 

You can say that aliens aren't real 

Call me weird 

Call me crazy 

But I'll always believe 

Hurling Insults

They're hurling "insults" at me

Trying to hurt my feelings 

Trying to change what I believe 

Here they go again calling me names 

Twisting my words

To them I'm a woke liberal 

A socialist 

A communist 

A brainwashed sinner headed straight for hell

A feminist 

Un-American 

A criminal who belongs in jail 

They're hurling "insults" at me

But I won't change where I stand 

Everyone is equally deserving 

of life's necessities 

And life's necessities should be free 

I cannot and will not support capitalism 

People shouldn't have to live in poverty 

The "American dream" is a lie

Broken promise and false hope 

Immigrants don't belong in cages 

Open the borders 

Tear down the wall 

Remove the barb wire fencing 

and the bladed booeys 

They're all inhumane 

No one is truly free 

Until we're all free 

The death penalty and war are unethical 

Murder is murder regardless of who commits them and why

Beat all weapons into garden tools 

I refuse to be a xenophobe

I reject racist ideology 

and bigotry 

"Boys will be boys" is a cop out mentality 

Sexism and misogyny have no place in society 

Pronouns and titles matter

Love is love is love 

It doesn't matter if you're straight or gay

or somewhere in between 

You should be recognized and seen 

It doesn't matter if you're cis or trans

or nonbinary 

You deserve equality 

God loves everyone unconditionally 

and so should we 

Try to see the beauty in humanity 

They're hurling "insults" at me 

But I won't retaliate 

I refuse to extend hate 

I choose love and peace 

I choose to extend mercy and grace 

In my life, hurt will not reign 

Breathe

Sometimes I forget to breathe 

My lungs get tight 

They're heavy and sting

A fiery burn

I dunno why but 

Anxiety gets the best of me 

Now I'm dizzy 

the world around me spins

Sometimes I forget to breathe 

Spaced out 

Dissociating 

Out of body 

Sometimes I forget to breathe 

A normal bodily function that should come naturally 

But I can't even think 

I'm on the fritz 

I'm on the brink...

Because I'm Not Okay (Suicidal Fantasy)

I'm the trouble 

I'm the problem 

I'm the drama 

Everyone says I'm acting out

Attention seeking 

Disturbed and out of control 

I'm the rainbow sheep 

Chosen scapegoat 

I'm the disease 

I'm the one they call crazy 

They say life would be better without me 

This world is no place for anyone like me 

They say I'm just a waste of space 

Not worth the air I breathe 

I'm struggling to survive 

Why am I even still alive?

I've decided that now it's time to leave 

So I finish off all the pills, overdose 

Down the bottle, intoxicated 

Climb to the top rail on the pedestrian bridge 

knowing I can't swim

I jump and give in

Toe tag and a body bag 

I let the suicidal fantasy win 

Because I'm not okay ...

Now everyone's asking what happened 

They're saying they didn't expect this 

But when I called out for help 

Everyone looked the other way 

covered their ears 

put blinders on their eyes 

They even said it would be better if I died

My ghost watching and listening 

to someone say they were blindsided 

They can't hear me but

I tell them that there were signs 

There were always signs 

that would've been seen if only they 

paid attention 

instead of always dismissing me 

Time doesn't heal all wounds 

The weight of the world 

was just too much for me to carry on my own 

I shouldn't've had to bear it alone 

But now I'm okay as I leave the earth 

that I didn't belong to 

and find my place on the other side 

of the night sky 

"I Do" Becomes "I Don't"

Charley met Pat

They fell in love and said their I dos

It was supposed to last forever 

It was supposed to survive 

even the stormiest weather 

But sometimes "I do" turns into "I don't"

and there's nothing you can do to change it 

Their lives turned into a country song 

Pat suddenly had to "work late" all the time 

Charley didn't see it coming 

but Pat was cheating with the secretary 

Sometimes "I do" becomes I don't 

love you anymore 

Sometimes you can't work things out 

She keeps the house and the dogs 

He's packed up his stuff 

Now he's walking out the door 

for the final time 

But now she lives in her pajamas 

She can't sleep 

but her heart dreams 

of the life they built 

She reminisces

of what used to be 

She's lost so much weight 

because even though there's food 

it's just too hard to eat 

The pain is just too much 

She's alive but barely breathing 

She's always crying, eyes swollen 

Heartbroken and heaving 

She never imagined him leaving 

(at least not like this)

It's just too hard to believe 

Their I dos became his I don't 

There is no happily ever after 

Pizza Face

I'm just mindin' my own business 

Chillin' in the bed

of our little red pickup truck 

Parked in our front yard 

I'm in trouble again, so I can't go far 

Megan and Jamie come runnin' back 

from who knows where 

with some kid my age

His name is Chris 

but I call him "Pizza Face"

They told him that I have "big jugs"

That's all he sees me as–

Boobs, a piece of meat 

He tries to get me to go out with him 

But I turn him down 

Talk tough in my fake British accent 

I hurt his feelings 

But I don't care 

He walks away thinkin'

I'm going back to England 

But I know I'm stuck here in this hellhole...

Weeks go by 

There he is at my bus stop 

Unpleasant suprize 

He confronts me 

If this isn't awkward, I dunno what is

One day after school, I see him on his bike 

When I'm walkin' in the street 

He tries to run me over 

I jump out of the way, scream

and cuss him out 

He disappears down the road 

Thank my lucky stars 

I never see him again 

Not for Me

Everyone keeps asking when 

I'll get married 

Settle down, have kids 

But that's not for me 

I say I won't do that, ever

Then they say I'll regret it 

They say I'm selfish 

Immature 

But honestly, I know that life 

isn't for me 

Without a doubt, I know 

it's not for me 

That's not my dream 

It's not my goal 

I'm a non-conformist 

I run from commitment 

I don't wanna be tied down 

I'd much rather have my freedom 

Live life on my terms 

Because isn't it my life?

Yeah, it's my life 

and I need to do what's right 

for me 

Live how I like 

Because that just might 

Help me sleep better at night 

It just might 

Help me be happy 

Spare the drama 

Reduce my anxiety 

Even just a little 

Could you just accept that 

Just because everyone else is complying 

with societal expectations,

I don't have to?

I don't and I won't 

Because it's not for me 

Tea

They ask me if I want some tea

Of course I say, "Yes, please"

Maybe I'm a little naive 

I thought everyone made tea the same way 

Our tea, sunbrewed 

Our tea is sweet 

Our tea is good 

Our tea was all I ever knew 

Our tea makes me happy 

But these people aren't from here 

They bring me a cup filled with deception 

I take a sip

Immediately, I can't help but spit

This stuff is bitter 

It's dirty water 

It's the devil's brew

This cup is full of misery 

It can't possibly be tea

This cup is where I lose my manners 

This cup makes me gag

It makes me feel like a cat

hacking up a furball

This "tea" is an imposter 

This "tea" makes me feel sick 

It dries out my mouth 

It makes me cough 

No way was it made by someone from 

the south 

I must pour it out

(He Tells Me to) Smile

He tells me to smile 

but I don't want to 

so I don't 

He tells me to smile 

like it's my job to make him happy 

and keep him comfortable 

He tells me to smile 

as if I owe it to him 

but I refuse 

He tells me to smile 

because he just sees me 

as eye candy 

He tells me to smile 

so I shoot him two free birds 

and yell, "FUCK THE PATRIARCHY!"

Not a Lady

I'm not a "ma'am"

And I'm not a lady

And I don't care if you don't like how I'm behaving 

I don't care if you don't like 

my tattoos and piercings

I don't care if you disapprove 

of how I talk and carry myself 

You're an interloping quidnunc

And you really need to worry about yourself 

Like seriously, mind your business 

I'm not meek

I'm not mild

I'm not prim and proper 

The way you expect me to be 

That's just funny, wild 

I'm not one to keep up with appearances 

That's not me and never will be 

You can call me trashy

Say I'm unclassy 

But you should know that your opinions are irrelevant 

You can complain about me 

But you won't change me 

Break Ups

I was never one to cry 

When I broke up with guys

I just laughed and moved on 

It didn't bother me that they were gone 

Break ups were always easy 

They never hurt me 

Until I met Sina 

and she made a mess outta me

Hallucinations

Tiny, happy, egg headed people 

with blocks for noses

Dressed in overalls

Dancing with pitchforks on a farm 

in front of me, but I'm in bed

Smoke so thick it makes me choke 

but there's no fire 

Someone keeps calling my name 

but there's no one around 

Turns out they're just hallucinations 

He Was

He was broken promises and lies 

Bounced checks 

The time I spent in jail before I was born 

He was selfishness and irresponsibility 

Denial 

He was the captain of the ship he burnt

then abandoned in the open sea

He was the reason the kids on the playground taunted me

"You're a freak! 

What's wrong with you?

What did you do? 

You don't have a daddy!"

He was the blood streaming down my arm 

The fire on my skin but there's no flame 

No one cares, they all just move on 

He was the reason for my stubbornness 

I just wanted to prove them wrong 

False hope 

He was dimly lit, smoke filled rooms 

Beer cans scattered around 

Unappetizing TV dinners that didn't fill

Unpaid child support 

and doing less than bare minimum 

He was the "I'll come get you" but never show

Never ending excuses and silence 

He was the angry letters I sent 

His name was Resentment 

He was the traitor taking sides with the enemy

The fight after court

and the final slamming of the phone 

He was a reason I run from commitment 

and why I don't trust men 

He was a reason I need therapy 

I'll forgive but I'll never forget 

He was the funeral I don't regret 

not attending 

Wendy

Wendy is the new kid

I'm 12 & she's 13

These kids on the bus are mean

They're assholes, pricks

Everyone else is laughing 

Sneering

Cracking jokes at her expense 

Her hair is short and blonde 

Her makeup is different 

She paints her face white

Eyes and lips black 

She wears a spikey dog collar 

She's one of those Goth chicks 

They all guard their seats so she can't sit 

I'm so sick of them 

I move my backpack to the floor 

so she won't have to stand anymore 

I invite her to be my friend 

It doesn't matter how different we are 

She invites me to spend the night 

We watch Rocky Horror Picture Show

and we listen to Fleetwood Mac

and have cereal for breakfast 

Just like normal kids do 

Weeks go by 

She's hangin' out with some girl named Belinda 

but when they're together 

I'm not allowed 

They're smokin' and drinkin'

They're doin' drugs

But I don't tell because friends don't snitch 

I moved away and came back 

but I haven't seen Wendy since 

Mean Girls

This town is full of mean girls, cliques 

"Go away! You're not one of us 

You can't sit!"

I'm sorry; I just wanted to be friends 

We've grown up now 

They still haven't changed 

They're still mean girls 

Grown women in cliques 

But one day I'm getting out of here

They'll be saying how they knew me

While they wait in my line 

Besties, close friends 

Sorry, but no autographs or pics

for mean girls in cliques 

Cupcakes for Squirrels

Up the street I see a squirrel 
At the bottom of a tree 
I stop admire this tiny creature with a cupcake
bigger than their head
I back away giggling 
This squirrel has raised their fists at me

Sunday Morning

I hate these frilly socks
I hate these shiny shoes 
I hate this stupid dress
And I hate this Barbie jewelry 
It makes me feel so itchy 
This isn't me
I don't wanna be fancy 
for all these noisy people 
overwhelming me 
The preacher's up there yelling 
He's pounding on the pulpit 
driving his point home 
But he's scaring me 
I don't feel safe 
I don't feel okay 
I'm hiding in this pew
I'm staying close to you 
I won't go to kids' church 
And I'm not going in that class 
Don't leave me here by myself 
I don't trust these people 
I don't feel safe 
This doesn't feel okay 
I'm hiding in this pew
I'm staying close to you 

I'll Be the Drums

I'll be the drums 
Your words, the sticks
Damn, how hard they hit 
I'll be the drums 
I am taboo 
Controversy to you 
I'll be the drums 
In the back corner I sit 
behind the wall you built 
I'll be the drums 
Waiting for someone to appreciate me 
Waiting for someone to love me completely 
I'll be the drums 
Powerful and bold
Passionate and moving, I'm told 
I'll be the drums 

Stones

"Love the sinner, hate the sin"
So proudly you declare 
Sit down; we need to talk 
We need to clear the air 
You can't truly love someone 
when you think their whole existence is sin
Your words just puff you up 
Some type of religious high horse 
You think you're holier than me 
"But the Bible says so!"
Clobber passages, the stones you throw 
It wasn't until 1946
that the Bible even said anything 
"against" homosexuality 
Did you know this? 
Those verses were mistranslated 
misinterpreted 
still so misunderstood 
They're turned into something 
that they were never intended for 
They were never meant 
for you to condemn anyone 
The Bible was never meant 
to be weaponized
Just a few more things
I am not a sin 
I am not an abomination 
And you don't get to make hell 
my final destination 
This isn't a "lifestyle"
It's part of my identity 
This isn't a choice I made 
I didn't wake up one day just to say,
"Guess what, world! I choose to be gay!"
That's not how it goes 
And we didn't steal rainbows 

God loves you just as much as They love me 
Stop this religious trauma 
God loves everyone unconditionally 
I wish you could see 
I wish you knew what West End taught me 
Let go of your hate 
Let go of the anger 
Let go of the rage 
Learn the way of love and peace 
Stop throwing stones at me 

Higher

Bad vibes 
Something's not right 
I don't know what it is 
but I feel the negative energy 
I run, I flee
You're not taking me 
The more I run 
the higher I get 
My feet leave the ground 
Higher, higher 
Running through the sky 
I look down beneath me 
This big city 
has become a tiny town 
so far away 
I'm higher than I've ever been 
Higher than the birds
Higher than the planes
Higher than the clouds 
The silence up here is so loud 
Run, just don't stop 
Higher, higher 
Daylight's drawing nigh 
The stars, bright lights 
begin to fade 
I can't run anymore 
and so I fall
faster and faster 
I'm jolted, and then
wake up in my bed 

Fuck You, Ed!

Fuck you, Ed!
& fuck all those shitty lies you put in my head 
Fuck all that bullshit you said 
The binge, the purge 
My vision all a blur
Lights out...
Fuck you, Ed!
Go to hell!
I don't need you 
I don't want you 
I won't starve myself any longer 
for your fake love 
You may have kicked my ass
But, dammit!
Fuck you, Ed!
I love me, not you 
& I'll fight you every day if I have to 
because I won't let you leave me for dead

Cake for Breakfast

Today I'm having cake for breakfast 
You hear the bowl slide across the counter 
Of course you think I'm getting cereal 
But let's be real here 
I'm sneaky & I'm seven 
I'm proud of myself 
Knowing I won't get caught 
I feel like a bank robber
evading the cops 
You yell from the other room,
"Are you eating yet?
You can't be late for school"
I stifle my laughter 
then hide the evidence 
You'll never know that 
I had cake for breakfast 

Secrets

Secrets I should've never been expected to keep 
You didn't want to be exposed 
for what you really are 
I won't keep your secrets 
I won't tell lies 
to make you look good 
Believe me; I mean it 
Understood?
I will not remain silent 
What happens in the dark 
Always finds a way 
to come out in the light 
You knew what you did was wrong 
You knew it was all along 
Don't try to twist it 
Don't try to gaslight me 
That won't work on me 
I won't keep your secrets 
Even if your flying monkeys 
you unleash 
I'm so much braver 
so much stronger 
than you can imagine 
Your secrets have no power over me 

Flashbacks

Ten year old innocent eyes 
Peaking through the crack in the door 
I saw the fight 
I saw the knife 
I saw him stab you 
I saw the blood 
Two years go by...
You're back at it again 
You lived for chaos 
You lived for drama 
Every day, some type of violence 
Three times around the block 
Time stood still 
I still feel the heat of the bullet at my back 
It may have been meant for you, but it came for me 
If I didn't move when I did, who knows?...
You taught me to live in fear
You taught me that I didn't matter 
You lived for chaos 
You lived for drama 
Every day, some type of violence 
Things no child should know 
I'll never forget 
Flashbacks, frozen in time 
So I have to hold myself tight 
I'm all I've got 
So I have to remind myself that I'm alright 
Bring myself back to the present 
Remind myself that I don't live there anymore 

Rage Monster

 "Quit crying before I give you something to cry about!"
"I didn't bring you into this world, but I can take you out!"
Be quiet, child 
Under your bed, save yourself 
Go hide 
Rage Monster is coming 
Tension so thick you could cut it with a knife 
Take a sheet, slip outside 
Gaze up at the stars
just don't fall asleep...
Rage Monster is coming 
You're all you've got 
Run! Save yourself 
Hold yourself together 
Be brave, be strong 
Save yourself 
Rage Monster is coming 

Oh, but Therapy

I've never been good enough for you 
This one truth I always knew 
The way you've always treated me 
It's so clear to see 
I never asked to be here 
I never tried to be an inconvenience for you
People always say that I should give you a break, just be quiet 
Because you gave me life 
But what kind of life is that 
When you constantly choose my abusers over me?
You knew to do better, but chose to do worse 
I'm still picking up the pieces 
Broken glass strewn across the floor...
I've never been good enough for you 
Nothing was ever good enough 
You never saw any value in me 
Because you hated my father 
You took it all out on me 
When you saw me, you just saw him 
It was all insanity 
Trying to make you happy 
Trying to seek your approval 
Trying to make you love me 
My existence has always been a problem for you 
I've never been who you wanted me to be 
Regret me
I know you regret me 
When I behaved
When I rebelled 
I'll never be good enough for you 
Oh, but therapy!
Therapy has taught me 
that I don't need your approval 
that I am good enough 
that I am worthy 
Valuable 
that I am lovable 
that even though you chose not to act 
in my best interest 
I deserved better 
Oh, but therapy 
is teaching me to heal myself 
Emotional wealth 
Reparenting myself is rough 
but I can do hard things 
I can do tough stuff 
I don't have to stay stuck 
in quicksand 
Oh, but therapy 
has shown me 
that I'm more than good enough for me